Saturday, January 24, 2009

"Fair Obamacles, favored of the gods, ascends to Olympus"

By now, most everyone has seen the creepy celebrity video in which, as Iowahawk puts it in a fantastic spoof, a bunch of people who look vaguely familar promise that "together we cane be a molecule on our President's cheekbone fading and melting and shrinking into the one universal glory of him."

Not content with this, Iowahawk tells the story of Obama in the fashion of the Odyssey. Here are a few highlights:

After Obamacles had completed the perilous sea voyage to LAX and retrieved his bag from the carousel,
He entered the agora of Occidental, where wily Obamacles dazzled the masters with recitations:
Fanon, Menchu, Zinn and Chomsky, Saul Alinsky, Eldridge Cleaver, Kurtis Blow.
After two years his masters said,

"fair Obamacles, we can teach you no more, for your bullshit has surpassed even ours.
Hie thee now to the Isle of Manhattus, where in the agora at Columbius
you may study a bullshit so deep and complex and angry it is beyond our philosophies."


Later,after wedding the siren Victimia and, with the help of the Jeremiad, triumphing over the Chicagomon, the Oracle tells Obama he must face the dread Hildusa:



At the sound of Hildusa's name even brave Obamacles was driven to wet his toga,
For Hildusa, cuckolder of Bubba, was the mightiest of all the gorgons.
From her head grew a writhing nest of asps, and the mere sight of her cankles
Would turn a man to stone. Some said she came from Lesbos
But others said her only pleasure was torment and sucking the marrow from her victim's bones.
Around her at all times was a phalanx guard of mincing eunuchs,
led by Ickis, Wolfsonis, Blumenthalis and Pennis. At her side, an angry force
of menopausal PUMAs ready to strike on her command -- for the children.

But Obamacles was only momentarily dissuaded from his task,
for he knew the people of Demos longed to return to the White Temple,
where they had been banished by the idiot emperor Chimpos II.
Although the Demos knew that Chimpos was the stupidest person in the world,
and they were the smartest, they had somehow been unable to defeat him.


Read it.

4 comments:

Dad29 said...

Well.

It's not in hexameter.

Maybe it would be, if written in Greek.

Brew City Brawler said...

A Hillary lesbian joke? I'm sold.

Anonymous said...

So this is what Republicans do when they're out of office? Low brow comedy schtick?

Anonymous said...

Get a life.