Saturday, November 21, 2009

How Not to Handle Divorce

While there is obviously a widely reported matter that prompts this post, it's really not about them other than whatever concern we may have for the people involved. No politics here. Please.

I have only ever represented one divorce client, but I get a lot of requests for initial advice on divorce and referrals to a divorce attorney. I don't claim to know a lot about it, but I am absolutely certain that I know one thing - from talking to other lawyers and from the experience that I and my friends and relatives have had on the matter. There should be a strong presumption against fighting over matters to do with the children. No matter how much your ex or what he or she has done to you rankles, the thing that you will forever regret is exacerbating the harm that the fact of divorce (which can't always be avoided) does to your children. Try not to fight over custody or placement. There is, for most of us, no amount of money that will make that OK.

And don't - really don't - make your divorce a public soap opera. This will not help you maintain the ongoing relationship with your your ex-husband or wife that will be necessary to shepherd your children to adulthood. The infidelity of a spouse hurts, but, even if it must end a marriage, the pain of a child whose home is disrupted is more important and demands that Mom and Dad conduct themselves in a way that will minimize it, i.e, that will allow the two of them to act together as parents and will allow their children to honor both mother and father.

10 comments:

John Foust said...

A very good post!*

Apart from the corrosion of relationships, there's also the self-inflicted damage. Do you really want to become The Bitter Divorced Guy?

You forgot to mention there are plenty of attorneys who seem to make a good living at the business of helping people pour gasoline on their own fire. They'll help you become The Broke And Bitter Divorced Guy.

*I can't even find the S.C.D..

Anonymous said...

Did Bucher call the press or did Bucher answer the phone when the press called? The poor guy now knows how his former wife felt when he met the journalism instructor. Payback is a female dog...

RobleyBlake said...

Divorce can be extremely traumatic to families, especially children. Living With Mom, Spending Time With Dad takes us through a myriad of emotions that two children, Stephen and Alex, experience through this tumultuous period. Young Alex especially gives an extremely candid and honest account of the day-to-day trauma, the hostility and at times the many poignant memories that he has. Living with Mom, Spending Time with Dad also addresses the concerns and anguish of being torn between two parents. Throughout the story there is that underlying hope that everything will turn out alright and everyone will be back in their original comfort zone.

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Jay Parmar said...

It is a well known fact that one in three marriages now end in divorce. It is probably true that even more non-married relationships fall apart. Divorce itself is not a particularly complex legal procedure. Each divorce lawyer has their own personality and style of approaching cases. You want to ensure that this matches your personality and how you want to approach your case. There are divorce lawyers who will make mountains out of every molehill, divorce lawyers who will litigate everything, and divorce lawyers who will always make a good faith effort to negotiate before going to court. You need to decide what will work best for your case. Visit divorce advice for more information.

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