How Not to Handle Divorce

While there is obviously a widely reported matter that prompts this post, it's really not about them other than whatever concern we may have for the people involved. No politics here. Please.

I have only ever represented one divorce client, but I get a lot of requests for initial advice on divorce and referrals to a divorce attorney. I don't claim to know a lot about it, but I am absolutely certain that I know one thing - from talking to other lawyers and from the experience that I and my friends and relatives have had on the matter. There should be a strong presumption against fighting over matters to do with the children. No matter how much your ex or what he or she has done to you rankles, the thing that you will forever regret is exacerbating the harm that the fact of divorce (which can't always be avoided) does to your children. Try not to fight over custody or placement. There is, for most of us, no amount of money that will make that OK.

And don't - really don't - make your divorce a public soap opera. This will not help you maintain the ongoing relationship with your your ex-husband or wife that will be necessary to shepherd your children to adulthood. The infidelity of a spouse hurts, but, even if it must end a marriage, the pain of a child whose home is disrupted is more important and demands that Mom and Dad conduct themselves in a way that will minimize it, i.e, that will allow the two of them to act together as parents and will allow their children to honor both mother and father.