MPS Board President Ken Johnson has been sued for appointing three white guys and no women to the MATC Board. He gets four appointments and the law requires that they reflect, to the extent possible, the distribution of women and minorities within the city. Liberal activist Charlie Dee says that Johnson's appointments are "illegal" and that he "cannot imagine anything more undemocratic" than selecting people by their race and gender.
We have been hearing from Charlie Dee around here for years and this is the first time I recall him taking a firm stand for "law and order" so perhaps this is time to be encouraging. In that spirit, I have the following advice for Mr. Johnson should he be ordered to try again.
According to the 2000 census, the city is 50% white, so that part's easy. Two whites and let's make one a man and the other a woman. The census said that blacks make up 37% of the city so we are going to need an African-American and a half. That's going to be harder but we can't give up. Number three should be black, but lets get a fourth appointee with just one African American parent. We also need about 1/8 of an hispanic (12% of the city) so the other parent will need to have one - but only one -hispanic grandparent. Any latin country will do, we don't want to be rigid about this.
I am not sure what to do about representation of our Asian (2.9%) or Native American (0.9%)populations. Perhaps we can combine them by buying into the theory that Native Americans migrated across the Bering Strait and require that this fourth person have at least visited Alaska.
Human sexuality is an important element of diversity but, on the assumption that the city's population is 90-97% heterosexual, it would be wrong to appoint an actual gay person. What we can do is have one of the four straight appointees certify that he or she once looked across the locker room in lust but never acted on it.
Two of the appointees may have children, but no more three between them(one of whom must have spent three semesters at a choice school). Three appointees should be lactose intolerant and one should suffer from depression no more than ninety but no less than fifty-three days each year. (Tip: seasonal affective disorder can work for us here!) One appointee will have to demonstrate that he or she cannot read. At least not well.
For the male appointees, I think we're going to have to insist that for one its Ginger, while the other says Mary Ann.
Given that George Bush received 27% of the vote in Milwaukee, I might have suggested that one appointee be Republican, but you can't take this diversity thing too far.